


sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean

by founding_daddies



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, M/M, Modern AU, My First Work in This Fandom, Office AU, alex has like so many stims but doesn't take care of himself, alex sorta gets non-verbal and just sorta, autistic headcanon, autistic!Alexander, but thomas is a good (boy)friend, first time writing an autistic character so if it's offensive help me out friends, kind of?, love these two, shutdown, title from into the ocean by blue october
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-09-21 16:29:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9557219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/founding_daddies/pseuds/founding_daddies
Summary: Apparently, someone had shoved a water bottle on him at some point today. Considering it's well known he doesn't take care of himself, it's liable to be anyone. Alex finished the last of it as Washington moved on from finance and lost Alex's interest. Quickly realizing he'd been staring at Alexander for a good ten minutes, Thomas diverted his eyes. Until he heard a soft, crinkling noise that was not just squeezing a plastic bottle.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first time writing for hamilton so please forgive me if its ooc i tried!!

Thomas noticed that something was up with Alexander when they were in a board meeting. Mr. Washington was up front, rambling about finances and budget cuts and the only one who was paying attention was Alexander. He was taking rapid notes, flipping the legal pad with inhuman speed. Apparently, someone had shoved a water bottle on him at some point today. Considering it's well known he doesn't take care of himself, it's liable to be anyone. Alex finished the last of it as Washington moved on from finance and lost Alex's interest. Quickly realizing he'd been staring at Alexander for a good ten minutes, Thomas diverted his eyes. Until he heard a soft, crinkling noise that was not just squeezing a plastic bottle. 

Instead of looking straight on at Alex, he glanced over, watching as Alex had the cap of the bottle pushed between his lips and trapped in his teeth. He'd already caused multiple indents in the cap, apparently silently. That, or Thomas had hearing problems. Especially considering Thomas had been forced by James to sit right next Alexander. 

"You have feelings for him," James said, absent minded. Thomas bit at his lip as his friend stood in the door way of his office, waiting for him to finish his work so he can get a ride home.

"No, no I don't," Thomas finally noticed that he'd been staring at Alexanders email for much too long. It was sent thirty minutes ago. It was the shortest email he'd ever gotten from Alex. It read, "Looks great Thomas! c:" Of course he used emojis; the man was basically a five year old in a grown mans body. It was the first time he'd indulged in Alexander's desires and changed the proposal to his wants after receiving a heavily red pen edited printed edition of his work on his desk. 

"Stop ignoring it Thomas. It will be the death of you." James had mumbled after a long car ride of silence. 

Shaking his head, he reached over and tugged the cap from between Alexander's teeth. Giving the younger man a stern look, he pushed it far away, just out of reach. 

Minutes passed, or maybe closer to an hour, Thomas couldn't tell. He heard more crinkling, soft enough to where only he noticed the noise. The bottle was flipped over, and Alexander was yet again chewing on the plastic. Thomas rolled his eyes, and yanked it away, much to Alex's disappointment. As they left the meeting, Thomas tossed the mutilated bottle in the trash.

"Ruin your teeth like that," Thomas said, quickly turning towards his office to avoid Alex's open mouth. As soon as he was alone he did some research and made an order to amazon. Two days later, Alexander found a small green rubber star attached to a cotton necklace. Beneath it, a note. "Don't mention it. -T.J." 

 

The second instance was less pleasant. After a discussion between Thomas and Alexander got heated very quickly, as they do, Thomas struck a particular personal, and he'll admit, unnecessarily cruel blow. Tears pricked in Alexanders eyes and he ran off, not to be seen for the rest of the day. After a scolding from Mr. Washington, he was instructed to apologize. Although pride was strongly pulling him back, Thomas knew he messed up. He knocked on the door to Alexander's office.

"Hey, it's me. I know what I said was... not, uh..." Thomas fumbled over his words. He let out a sigh of frustration. Words came so easily in a debate, so what was the problem now? "Look, just... let me make it up to you. We can go get lunch or something." He juggled the handle, expecting it to be locked, but the door creaked open. 

The office was empty. A jumble of words were open on Alexander's computer, what looked to be a comeback to their argument. It didn't make any sense, but then again, judging by the small water spots sprinkled over the keyboard and desk, it was written through veil of tears. Thomas cursed under his breath. He looked over the desk and saw that the rubber star was chewed on nervously and tossed hastily aside. 

Thomas wasn't sure how many people he asked, but it was far too many. It confounded him that no one saw Alexander. Eventually he leaned against the wall next to the water cooler and pinched the bridge of his nose. A warm hand clapped his shoulder, causing him to whip his head around abruptly. Lafayette's kind smile greeted him.

"He's hidden in the basement." Lafayette was Alexander's dear friend, he knew that. Apparently this had happened before, many times. Thomas had just now noticed it; how many times was he the cause? "And I know he would appreciate seeing you, mon ami. Look in the small places."

"Thanks, Laf." Thomas wasted no time rushing down to the basement. It was large, so he had a lot of ground to cover, but he was lucky it was barren and Lafayette had given him crucial advice for his search. He searched through the side rooms first. After five unsuccessful attempts to find the small man, he finally heard a quiet inhale. Walking towards the source of the sound, he leaned down, and there he was. Stuck between a water heater and a cement wall, he was tearful and scared. 

"Oh, Alexander, geez," he reached out, flinching back when Alexander started to scoot farther back and behind the heater. He took a deep breath. Remain calm. "I'm not gonna hurt you. You're gonna hurt yourself if you keep going back like that. I know I shouldn't have... said that to you. Please, come out. I don't wanna see you get hurt." Thomas inched his hand closer, slowly. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Alexander grabbed his hand gently. Pulling him to his feet, Thomas noticed he was shaky. 

"Everyone's already gone, its 9:30. Do you mind if I carry you?" Thomas said, his hand on Alexander's back. After some silence, he looked toward Alex. "That's fine, you don't have to talk. Can you nod or shake your head though?" After a quick nod, Thomas picked him up, letting Alex grip his waist with his thin legs, arms wrapped around his neck, hands lightly playing with Thomas' thick curls. Thomas has yet to find out how he managed to carry Alexander and both of their bags to his car. "Hey, you shouldn't be driving. I'm gonna take you back to my apartment, that alright with you?" Again, no speaking, just weak nodding and mumbles. Thomas let Alexander down gently in the front seat. 

The drive home was quiet, but not uncomfortable. After parking, he again carried Alexander, and gave a stern look to the neighbors who were heading home that decided to stare. Their glances diverted. 

Thomas made dinner, made sure Alexander ate enough and cuddled them both in a blanket to watch NCIS. There were no complaints, so Thomas assumed the show and macaroni and cheese were acceptable. Alexander fell asleep, leaned against Thomas' shoulder. He moved him to his bed and soon joined him after washing the dishes. 

Curled under the covers, Thomas couldn't help but feel that this was the only time Alexander's brain wasn't running on a uncomfortable high. He stripped Alexander down to his boxers and changed into sweat pants himself. Pressing a kiss to Alex's forehead, he fell asleep soon after, heart thumping in his chest.

After the rather awkward Saturday morning the two shared nearly a week ago, Alexander had been avoiding Thomas like he had the plague. Thomas wanted to be pissed, really he did, but he felt more guilty. He wasn't sure what he did wrong.

"At least I have quiet days to work for once in my damn life," Thomas said to James as they both walked towards the elevator from the parking garage to the office. As the stepped in and the door began to close, a hand shoved the door open. Alexander, breathing heavy, hair popping out of his pony tail and into his face. 

"Thanks," he said, heaving a sigh. His eyes were dark purple shade, his lids hanging close to each other, and Thomas wasn't sure if he'd not slept or gotten the shit beat out of him. Both were plausible. James stepped out and looked back as Thomas gave him a non verbal "the fuck?"

"Dolley made fried chicken last night, need to watch my health." James was disappearing towards the stairs as the elevator doors shut. Tapping his fingers, Thomas looked down and away. Their office was 40 floors up. James wasn't taking that many flights. He'd wait a few minutes then take an empty elevator. Damn him. 

After a few moments, Thomas looked towards Alexander, his head still down. In his hands was the star, being rubbed nervously. Thomas puffed air through his nose. Damn James to hell.

"I'm sorry. I didn't do that to humiliate you, by the way. It's funny to debate with you and see you get puffed up and mad but it's not fun to hurt you. I did that because I care. So..." Thomas rubbed the leather on his messenger bag, feeling where the leather had already started to pull away. 

"I'm not upset." The short, forced reply was said in a trembling voice. Thomas snapped his head around to look at the other man.

"What?"

"I'm not upset. I just... don't know what you meant, when you did that. And I don't want to end up hurt." Alexander's voice had lost its sharp edge, and it made him nervous. 

"I... Alexander," Thomas huffed, his voice on the beginning of sounding teary. "I care about you. A lot. Like, more than you think. Just because your ideas about politics are shitty doesn't mean I hate you. I feel.. quite the opposite, I assure you."

Alexander chewed the inside of his cheek. "Can we talk about this later?" It was obvious he was getting progressively more uncomfortable and nervous, so Thomas agreed and they parted ways. 

Eventually, Thomas found an eloquently handwritten letter on his desk.

"Thomas,

I enjoyed spending time with you, and wish to see you this evening. If you agree, meet me at my office after work today. Well decide on a time and place.

Yours truly,  
A.Ham"

 

Six months of stolen, fleeting kisses in the parking garage after work hours had left Thomas with a want. Not lust, per say, but more desire to spend more intimate time with Alexander. He brought up his thoughts as Alex leaned against his chest, pressing feather light kisses to his jaw.

"Move in with me," Thomas mumbled, almost without thought. He couldn't see the reaction, but he could feel it. Glancing down, Alexander seemed more confused than anything. "Not a demand or anything. Just... I wanna see you when I wake up. And when I fall asleep. I wanna see you all the time"

Alexander dug his finger nails into his palm. "I would love to but I just don't deal with change... well. I don't wanna inconvenience you,"Thomas pushed up Alexanders chin. Normally a sharp man, and he did know it, Alexander softened him. Eyes turned from daggers to clouds as soon as Alex glanced over at him and smiled. That was all it took.

"You never will be a inconvenience to me," he said, lightly kissing the younger mans lips. He made sure to be light, testing. Pushing Alexander would drive him away. Thomas always watched how he did things. If he touched him, he'd press lightly then let Alexander lean into the touch. That way, if the pressure or warmth was too overwhelming, he had an easy way out. Alexander looked up with big brown eyes, 

"If you're sure. But honestly I'm not sure how you'll feel because-" Alexander began, but was cut off by a kiss.

"I love you, but stop talking."


End file.
